Cow-Print Slippers and Black Underwear

(Preface: On first reading George's previous blog and all the comments resulting I was first mildly interested, then angry, then mostly accepting. I, Nancy, am anti-walls. I agree that lots of girls feel insecure, but I also think that that is partially something that's been as society-driven as the idea that women are always crying and men should never show emotion. I do understand where George is coming from though.)

Here goes:

The Rescue-Me-syndrome. Don't we ALL have it? Doesn't every girl grow up imagining the dashing prince, understanding the rhythms of her heart, carrying her away from the pains of being misunderstood and unappreciated? Furthermore, don't guys look to the day when an amazing princess looks their way and every misconception is left behind in a perfect match of forever love?

Ok, there are true-love, crazy-daisy, twitterpated, best-thing-to-ever-happen-to-me parts to romance. One day when we have met our match and are in the throws of a meant-to-be romance, then it's fine to go all out with these feelings. It's okay to be the heroic knight and beautiful damsel.

But don't you wonder why in all the fairy tales they only tell us the part of the knight rescuing the princess? Wanna know why? Think about it. The rest of the story is probably blah. She sits there in her castle and pines away, lamenting every failed attempt at freedom. He roams around trying to find a princess who will help him fight the dragon instead of just WAITING. If there were anything exciting that they really accomplished then believe me, they would have included it in the story.

Daughters (and Sons for that matter) of Jerusalem, I charge you - Do not awaken love until it so desires. (Read Song of Solomon if you're blatantly confused). This doesn't mean "Oh it's desiring! He's so wonderful! Okay, I'm awake!!!"

If you're young, heartbroken over your own constructions of romance, and dreaming of your-someday-sweetie, then there's your sign that God is trying to teach you something. You know how it is when He's teaching you patience. It's because you're feeling impatient and you just know He's gonna make you wait a long time. It's the same for romance. If it's not there, don't force it. Peel back the sludge on your eyes and discover the adventures He has for you NOW and the reasons why you are still single.

The Rescue-Me-Syndrome is part of our human psyche. But we have the power to make it a final, desperate attempt at finding acceptance, or a marvelous story of something worth saving.

Girls - We are strong. We can do this. We can be more then Rapunzel.

Guys - Hang in there. Bear with us. We're rooting for your success as both prince charming and a knight with a comissionary-mission.

Every time you fall 'in love' (and man is it some fall) don't you think - or at least hope - that they're the real deal? It takes a lot of self discipline to control your emotions/hopes, to keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds. It's super hard, I know, but the safest way to deal with "love" is to keep those rose-colored glasses off. Which, of course, is much easier said then done. You have to stop expecting the person you're with to be 'the one' and to never treat them that way. But I think that after you've had your heart broken once (and all it takes is once) you build this little protective wall around your heart that gets taller and thicker every time somebody gets through it to hurt you again. Eventually, you're tired of trying, tired of setting your self up for pain, and tired of being let down, so that wall gets so hard to get through that the only person who will, will have to really, truly, with all his heart want to get in. And when he does, it will have been so hard, and so much work, that he won't ever want to add to that wall by breaking your heart again. Instead, he'll want to take care of you, and remove the wall so that you won't be hurting anymore. That someone will be the real deal, the love or your life, and the one that was worth waiting for because that someone will want you enough to give all of him for you. That's love in its purest and simplest definition: giving up your self for the person you love. I think that's what I'll hold out for.

"You've got to ac-cen-tuate the positive,
E-lim-inate the negative,
Latch on to the affirmative -
Don't mess with Mr.-inbetween!

You've got to spread joy up to the maximum,
Bring gloom down to the minimum,
Have faith, or pandemonium's
libel to walk upon the scene!"

Just like this old Johnny Mercer/Harold Arlen song suggests, a positive outlook and knowing what's best makes all the difference.

Take girls for instance *cheesy grin* Guys, you'd be amazed how many articles there are on "Finding your best feature", and "Accentuating what you've got". Seriously. Did you know most females have either lips, eyes, or hair as an almighty accentuatable feature? We girls study this to figure out what our special secret power-feature is and then we act on it.

We buy the pouty drool-lipped gloss... (I had a friend's brother comment on lip-gloss once - "Why do you do that? It looks like you've drooled all over your lips..." - No, we're just accentuating.)

We buy the curling irons and deep conditioning oils and brush our heads two or (my goodness) even three times a day.

We figure out which color eye shadow looks best with our color eyes (Baby Blues - taupes and greys, Big Browns - purples and greens, etc) And figure out all sorts of amazing ways to 'open' our eyes more, curl our lashes, and pluck our brows.

All for the sake of accentuation. Because we know that we've got positives. We choose to focus a little time on those instead of constantly trying to loose that extra 5 lbs or bemoan the mere $5 bucks left in our purse. (And we do those things too, but at least there's something else we sometimes remember to focus on)

Guys and gals, this stuff is true of any area of life. Especially relationships. There are going to be bad hair days and under-eye circles. But if there are, then somewhere there's got to be a lovely pink smile glistening with pseudo-drool... (Wow, that sounds enticing, yes?)

Chin up folks. Focus on what's great about your situation. Don't ignore the problems or you may be asking for trouble. But always, always, always remember to appreciate the positives :)

"To illustrate
my last remark
Jonah in the whale -
Noah in the ark!
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark?

Man, they said 'We better ac-cen-tuate the positive!
E-lim-inate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative -
Don't mess with Mr.-inbetween!'"

Since Nancy did the 'top 10' thing I thought I'd try and be cool and do the same thing.

Top 10 Ways That You'll Know if You're In Love (Or at least majorly crushing):

10. When you catch yourself doodling in class and all of the sudden - BOOM - their name magically appears on your note book paper... woah.

9. When you start seeing your special someone's name EVERYWHERE and in the most random of places.

8. When you start acting all goofy, you know, sighing all the time, getting that day dreamy look on your face, smiling constantly, singing love songs, and completely unaware of everything that's going on around you. (This one happens at the beginning, or right before a relationship starts, and it's largely associated with crushes, which are really infatuations in disguise.)

7. When you catch yourself talking about him/her ALL the time because everything reminds you of them. You'll repeat something they said, or tell someone what they did, or base your opinions of things on theirs, to the point where you'll try really hard to stop so that people won't think you're obsessed - but they already know that you are.

6. When everything becomes 'a sign.' Usually you'll only notice the good 'signs,' like seeing their name everywhere, and discard the bad ones, like finding out that their moving to another country.

5. When you start revolving your day around their phone call, or email, or page (do people still use pagers?), or letter or whatever mode of communication they use, and you can't help but think it is THE (pronounced 'thee') most sweet and romantic way to communicate of all time. (Aren't 10-letter text message SO dreamy?!) Whether you hear from them or not determines your mood.

4. When you start doing things that are completely weird/pathetic. (Like coordinating your outfits so you match, calling 5 minutes after you hung up 'just to say I love you one more time,' writing ballads for your lover when you've never scribbled a poem in your life, or getting their name tattooed on you some where - or better yet, getting matching tattoos!

3. When you believe that he/she can do NO wrong. When you don't believe your parents, grandparents, distant uncles, 3rd cousins, best friends, and every other person that's ALWAYS been right in you WHOLE life when they tell you your boyfriend is a stupid jerk that takes advantage of you, or your girl friend is a trashy control freak that has you totally whipped.

2. When the two of you talk about which kind of mini van you want to buy when you get married and how many kids you want to have, all the while making it clear that you don't mean the two of YOU are getting married, but 'someday,' 'eventually,' when you find 'the one,' when you're really saying 'please just get down on one knee right now!'

1. When he gets down on one knee, and you say yes before he even pops the question, and you think the ring is GORgeous, and he's WONderful, and you'll be SO HAppy and you can't WAIT to call the 'rents and give 'em the news! Won't they be SO exCITed! Oh--my-- goodness. Incredible. Ding, ding, ding! Somebody's in love - fo' sho'.

Aight. So if this is not THE most confusing aspect of guy-girl relationships, then I don't know what is. I keep remembering the scene in "The Little Mermaid" where the sea witch tells Ariel that she can communicate without her voice - "There's always the power of.... BODY LANGUAGE!!! Muahahhahaha!"

There are so many subtle ways in which we can read into, misinterpret, OR more clearly understand intentions by the way in which someone moves, talks, or touches. There is a fine line between gestures of flirtatiousness and genuine caring. Girls employ every trick under the sun, and in return think very highly (or lowly) of the way a guy movements convey about his meaning.

For instance, I once had a guy crushing on me who put his hands on my waist before he cared about what flavor ice-cream I liked. Hello!!! This says nothing but "I'm attracted, but I really don't give a darn". Here are some basic rules of thumb for giving and taking when moving with the opposite sex.

1. Eye contact. This says "I care about what I'm saying to you - I'm focused on what we are talking about and your attention.

2. The hand on the arm for 2-3 seconds. *cheesy grin* (Yes, timing is important). If you care about someone - as a friend or otherwise. Then a quick touch conveys your appreciation for that person.

3. Standing so close to someone that your hips and sides are touching. Okay, this is getting personal here. If someone does this then it means you are definitely not repulsive, your deodorant is working, and they want to be as close to you as can... Uhmm... crush anyone? Length of time is important here too... This does not relate to hugs and does not count if you are on the floor at a Switchfoot concert.

4. The head tilt. C'mon we know what this is. That playful moment when the girl tilts her head to the side and does some sort of pouty-lip, puppy-dog-eyed, svelte expression... Yeah, your gut knows the answer. She's flirting. OR possibly just drunk on life and feeling really goofy and thinks you'll appreciate her sense of humor.

5. Looking into someone's eyes with nothing to say. The jury is out on this one! Hah! This is either incredibly sweet or incredibly "I'm-such-a-dork-I-don't-know-what-to-say". If it ends in a grin, then it's an 'awwwww' moment for sure.

6. The walk. Yes, girls can either walk normally or they can swing those hips. Stay clear of these girls! They are not walking this way because of how they are built, they are doing this subconsciously or not, in a way that is not entirely human-female-of-the-earth natural. If you notice a girls hip-walk, then she has it. Don't go looking for it. If you don't notice it, then she's fine, she is a normal human who is not out to stalk you with her laser-hips.

7. Getting up to throw away the empty pop can and suddenly deciding to sit behind you when returning to their seat. If you're worth the whole 5 minutes she planned on how to move her seat closer to you without looking like she got up for that sole reason... Yeah... Not only does this crack me up, but it means your side of the room smells better then where she was... Or something... ;)

8. Hands on (her own) hips. This is playful... Jesting... If combined with the head tilt then it possibly means it's either the girl you're crushing on flirting back with you or your mother telling you to clean your room.

9. Hugs. If the girls arms are under, then it's a nice sweet natural awwww-you're-my-buddy!-moment. If the girls are over (this is especially true if she is much shorter then the guy) then it means she wants to be a little closer to you... (or she's your 5 year old cousin)... If you have a good friend... Then by all means hug them. Be careful not to hug too soon with someone though. Some people just are not touchy-feely like that. Side-ways hugs are a good place to go if you're not sure.

10. Back massage. Okay, I'm going to be entirely the frank-big-sister-person here. Do you give your brother/sister back massages? (I know some people that do) Is it entirely necessary to sit so close to them and have your hands all over their back? No. If it's the shoulders and the right situation, then this is maybe ok. If it's the whole back down to the waist and that little inside Jimminy cricket is bleeping a warning... Then motives need to be reevaluated. Back massages mean you are either good buddies, or someone has a crush.

The end. Sorry this was long. :D This is my biased-opinion, but I can back it all up with real-life experiences and observations ;)